Aaron Naparstek

» Tuesday, March 09, 2004

Deploying the Kids to Soccer Practice

Just as the military Humvee spawned General Motors' Hummer, it will be interesting to see what sort of mass market, consumer motor vehicle products emerge from the Army's new "Smar Truck III" homeland security concept vehicle. This behemoth "showcases the latest in armor protection, and detection and deterrent capabilities. Smar Truck lll is equipped with a weapons station module featuring a remote controlled .50-caliber machine gun which rises from the back of the vehicle and has sniper-detection directional sound capabilities." I look forward to seeing one of these rolling down Flatbush Avenue soon.

12:34 AM | Link |

» Friday, March 05, 2004

Sociopath of the Week

Every Friday the "Escapes" section of the New York Times sets aside a few pages for "Automobiles." Aside from the car ads and classifieds, there is basically no content in this section other than a brief, little personal profile.

These profiles consistently present a total freak show under the guise of normal American behavior. Check out today's story, entitled, "My Life, My Cadillac Escalade EXT."

Why in the world does 16-year-old Leigh Hyan from Yorba Linda, California possibly need a $54,000 vehicle with 325 horses under the hood? "Hey, having a pickup truck is way cuter than having a car." Oh yeah, and also because she's a "feminist."

"Usually guys are the ones who have pickups, but now girls are like, 'Hey, we can have them, too.'" Great. You've come a long way, baby!

11:07 PM | Link |

Frog or Canary?

They say amphibians are the "canaries" in the global environmental coal mine. If that's true, then what is this poor froggie Cerebrus trying to tell us? This almost seems like it has got to be a hoax.

2:49 PM | Link |

» Tuesday, March 02, 2004

Auto Asphyxiation

I've got an article about New York City transportation issues on the cover of the New York Press this week. Check it out.

4:50 PM | Link |

» Monday, March 01, 2004

I-77

You should see what is happening along I-77, the stretch of highway between Akron and Cleveland these days. I was there two weeks ago. It's all big box stores and vinyl McMansions sprouting up in former corn fields. Traffic disaster happens on a regular, daily basis here. The highway is constantly immobilized and there really is no other way to get around, no trains, nothing. When you get off the highway it's miles of strip-mall gas station burger shack crap. And traffic traffic traffic. Almost every motorist you pass is shtupping his face with a handful of fries or sucking liquid from a 64-ounce giganti-gulp cup. It's as though people have completely given up on living life outside their cars. Public space is a hostile environment. Late to pick up my wife at the airport and my mobile phone out of juice, I had to pay a guy at the tire shack $5 to use his cell phone for a minute. I couldn't find a working pay phone anywhere. While the region's jobs flee this futureless place, the city fathers scratch their heads, blame China, and fight to build a new convention center in Downtown Cleveland to revive the economy. It's a sad state of affairs. If the people who live in these places can be roused out of their passive consumer stupor at all, it won't surprise me if, by 2012, they are voting for some sort of religious-right Osama bin Hitler candidate promising to set things straight....

11:56 AM | Link |

Good enough for Leviticus, good enough for the US constitution

I urge you to join with the good people of God Hates Shrimp in calling for the creation of a constitutional amendment to ban shellfish, lobster and shrimp. Why should we leave it up to the states to decide whether Americans should be allowed to engage in the consumption of these unclean little abominations? If God said, "No shrimp," then NO SHRIMP. Got it?!

11:13 AM | Link |